18 was hell. I think my life works out went I am a prime number. 13. 17. hopefully 19. I know it is talked about all the time- maybe even too much- but growing up is odd. Scary. Weird.
I never formally thought about 19, however. I always imagined turning 18 and then flashing to like 29. Without unlocking something new like being able to drive or drink, there are literally only cons when getting older. Which, whatever we can sit here and talk about how hating aging is misogynistic and deeply rooted in society and how aging is beautiful. But the truth of the matter is that I am a very scared eighteen year old who thought her whole world was going to collapse (burn more likely I was a really big global warming worrier at 12) when I faced responsibility. Sadly (or happily idk yet), that did not happen. World kept spinning. I am here.
I can't think of any famous nineteen-year-olds. Okay. Just searched famous birthdays. Alabama Barker. Will I manifest into an Alabama Barker prototype when the clock strikes 12 on February 26th? Maybe. Maybe not.
It feels somewhat pointless to write about how I'm scared of the unknown and growing up. I guess it's pointless to write anything anymore. I feel most things I have experienced have happened in some regard to someone else at some point in time. I could google right now "19 year old scared of future" and I am sure I will find someone else like me. Maybe I can find comfort in the idea that everyone is in the same boat. Majority of the time it just makes me daydream about what would happen if I went back in time with the knowledge I know now and become a Nobel laurate.
Nineteen-year-old Nobel laurate. Has a nice ring to it.
-A.K.
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