grwm

     My upstairs neighbor's sex playlist is the soundtrack to my early showers when I want to kill myself. The disgusting shower head that I tried ripping off my first night here and then got scared I was going to break the entire thing so I cried instead always spouts lukewarm water at my naked body. My arms and legs are covered in goosebumps before The Weekend can even get to his second verse. I pour too much shampoo in my hair and then it feels squeaky so then I rub conditioner on it and then it's greasy so I use more shampoo. I use four different types of soap and I hate the smell of all of them. I got them for free. Every time I begin to shave my mind wanders to feminism and whether or not shaving falls under that. In an attempt to be a good feminist I miss my ankle hair. I just bought a robe. Before, I would step out of the shower dripping wet and throw on clothes as quickly as possible while trying to pretend the fabric sticking to the droplets of water isn't making my breath hitch. But I think twenty-year-olds wear robes so I bought one. I turn on my air dehumidifier after my shower and have to leave my bathroom for an hour after my pathetic cleansing. I had to buy this two-hundred dollar box because my entire closet got moldy and I cried and I lost my favorite pair of jeans. Then I saunter back and spend the next three hours doing my hair with a $300 hairdryer that doesn't do its job. And then I eventually get sick of my neighbor's music because it feels less ironic for me to be listening to it and far more depressing. And then I have this rash above my lip which I have coined the reason why I can't find a date and it's because I obsessively lick my lips and I found out through a new mom's Reddit page. I thought I was allergic to the Rhode lip balm. 

-A.K. (showertok viewer)